Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Somedays I really wonder about my purpose! Laundry short order cook, driver and I hear the laughter and playing of my three wonderful kids. Who am I now? I still fight this each day, I am a mom, of three amazing kids, one who has conquered cancer and being a true toddler. I am no longer getting the attention at the hospital, new nurses, new patients, it is all new, yet they are all fighting the same fight I fought, to keep my son in my arms, to have him be around for many more years. My heart aches for these families as their journies are beginning, yet they are in a secure enviroment their child is being monitored , cancer is being watched. A year and a half later, I still struggle, a little limp, sleeping longer, a bruse on his leg, my heart stops. My life before Feb 22 2007 is no longer, yet I find joy in seeing where God wants me to be, who he wants me to be, I am starting to peel off the layers of emotions and fears I have had. The tears are spread daily, sometimes from joy and laughter, sometimes from feeling overwhelmed, someday for being thankful and others just plain scared! Cancer does not have a place in our home, yet is continually gets in somehow. I need to let go, to live life enjoying my kids, my husband and search for my purpose and seek where God wants me. I am thankful for each day, easy or hard, yet wonder each day, can I make it through?