Thursday, November 6, 2008

My rollercoaster

How do I even begin? The emotional roller coaster is one that is so difficult to navigate, I feel all aspects of my life falling apart, yet, here I am with 3 wonderful children, healthy and I am overwhelmed. The desire to complete or do anything is non- existent, the emotions of joy, love, happiness I once craved and could see daily do not appear to be anywhere inside me. Here I am walking a road with my three kids, healthy energetic and joyous, and I can hardly force a smile, yet, I yearn to love and embrace them and share in laughter and fun times. The road after treatment is so much harder that the journey, I feel my whole nuclear family falling apart and here me as a mom can not hold things together. I can not complete a project nor look forward to free time with my family; I am determined to conquer this journey as much as we have conquered cancer. My heart and soul ache, but, I know as I have traveled down a road of uncertainty this too will be one I will learn on my Fathers shoulders and be carried through, in a way I am unsure of but, know He will bring back the joy and excitement .